In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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