just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
