i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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