2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
