Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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