when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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