You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
we're so committed to being not committed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
