I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
