I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
