So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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