now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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