I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
