sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
nutella sex= disaster
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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