i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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