I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
