I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
