I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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