Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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