Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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