bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I enjoy the company of your penis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
