we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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