just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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