Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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