I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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