Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
