Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
