Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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