He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
