I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
