I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
