never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
