It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
