from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
