just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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