Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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