Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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