What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
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Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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