I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
