my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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