Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
