he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
