My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
