Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
