Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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