You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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