Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
