Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I smell like Dick and happiness
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