im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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