There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
