I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
