I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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