JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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