Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
