We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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