SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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