Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
