8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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