is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
