can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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