I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
4 words: hood of his car
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
