shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
