I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize