my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
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