All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"