It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums Theyâ€™ve Witnessed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks