im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!