i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.