why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
