I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
