You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
