Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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