he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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