You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
