Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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